Cielois
by michelledoei
Summary: Just a fanfic about Ciel and Alois


**Ciel bit his lip as the thought of a blonde crossed his mind. ****_He could not stop thinking about him. _****The option of ignoring his face just wasn't there; it wasn't possible to not think about him in any possible way.**

And Ciel hated it. He wasn't used to this kind of feeling. This weird feeling down, down in his chest, crawling onto his belly. It stayed there. It hadn't left since yesterday, when Alois had came over and they had played chess. The only thing the bluenette had thought about since that day was the hand of Alois's, freely touching his hair. Normally Ciel would have slapped him playfully, or not even meant to be funny. But now he had just let him do it. It felt weird, but the earl had felt like it had been the right thing to do; to just let Alois touch his hair before he left. He hadn't looked back when the other had left the room. He hadn't watched the expression that would have probably appeared on his face. He couldn't. He didn't want to know what he had caused. Maybe Alois would be surprised, that he had suddenly allowed him to touch him, only in the slightest way; but he had done it, at least.

The earl shook his head several times and tried to let go of the thought of the angelic features of Alois. He could not stand being like this. Depending on someone else. Feeling like he_ belonged_ to someone. It just didn't fit in his image of himself – strong, independent, the one that never showed his emotions, or even let slip a tear. He wasn't strong anymore. Thinking of someone so deeply like this, thinking that he might even want more than just friendship with another, it was torturing him. Especially because it was _Alois_. Alois?! How could this even happen? He, Ciel Phantomhive, in love with a boy. Someone who wasn't his fiancé, someone who was from the same gender, someone who annoyed him to death – yet entertained him. Yes. That person. That person was the one he fell in love with. The one who he would love to spend the rest of his life with.

**But he would never be able to.**

Even if they would get into a relationship it wouldn't be steady. Like Alois could stay with the same person. He would probably run off to another person immediately; maybe even after a week or two. He would get bored, Ciel would get hurt and they would both be devastated. Yet, there was this aching feeling inside his heart that told him it was okay to even try. It was okay to try. No. It wasn't. He bit his lip again, not wanting to be confused like this, wanting to let go of everything and just fall asleep. But sleeping in a state like this was very, very hard for him, almost impossible. Usually Ciel fell asleep easily and quickly, not disturbed by nightmares of any kind. Nightmares belonged to the past. Dreams were everything he held onto; the bluenette could not live without dreams.

He had dreamt a lot about Alois, but he had just kind of brushed it off like it had never happened. But it had. They had kissed _so_ many times, but just not in reality. Something Ciel pitied, deep in his heart. He felt sorry for his lips, not being able to taste Alois's. Something which he found really, really disturbing, too. His heart ached and so did his head. He thought too much. And the worst was that Alois was coming over this morning again, and Ciel wasn't able to predict anything. What would he do? Would he kiss him? Would he even dare to confess his feelings to him? No, that was insane. Maybe he dared it. But he would never do it, due to his imago. He could not try something like that in the least. What if Alois didn't feel something for him at all? He had thought so, but if it was a false alarm, something he had only imagined, it would be the biggest fail in history. It would be… Weak.

The next day Ciel was already woken by the rays of sunlight peeking through the thin, white curtains. Actually, he hadn't really slept at all; he was still thinking, talking in himself, trying to figure out what the best thing was to do with this situation. It really was hard. Ciel was quite the control freak. He wanted to know what was going to happen, but since that was impossible… He hadn't thought of a plan. The earl had decided to just let everything happen, let everything be. All he had done was allowing Alois to touch his hair, and that wasn't that big of a deal. Maybe it was for him. But Alois, with his beauty and charisma, had probably had a lot of dates before him. He had done this so many times. Maybe he hadn't even noticed. Ciel wished he had turned his head after the action, that he had seen Alois's expression. He wished that he knew what was going through _his_ mind right now. He just wanted to know, nothing more or less.

It was almost time for Alois to arrive, and Ciel had kind of waited for it. He was excited for it though; the two of them always had fun, whatever they did. Mostly they played chess, because that was something he really liked, and Alois did not really care about what they played or did. He was quite fine with everything, except for playing chess the whole day. Sometimes they played a card game, but it didn't matter what they did because he won everything. It didn't matter though.

A slight knock on the door made Ciel look up to the wooden plank, and he noticed his hands were fiddling onto the bow on his clothes. Stop it, he thought, desperate to calm down. There was nothing wrong. They were just friends, after all. But how long had he been in love with Alois already? Maybe three months, or longer. It wasn't that long. But he had realized it yesterday. That he could not live without him. 'Come in,' the earl replied to the slight knock and he smiled, not knowing if it was a fake one or that he felt genuinely happy. The blonde opened the door quickly and he walked in with that o so bright smile on his face. Like it would never fade. At least not in his presence. 'Hello, Ciel,' He said, the smile not disappearing. 'What shall we do today?' Ciel smiled again, still not knowing what the reason was behind this expression of happiness, and shrugged. 'You still don't want to choose, do you?' he asked curiously. Alois shook his head shortly. 'No, you may decide.' 'You already know what I will choose,' replied Ciel. Alois nodded, and said, 'Of course I do.' Ciel asked Sebastian for the chess board and as it arrived, Alois took the seat he usually took. It was kind of _his_ seat. Ciel never sat in it, even when he wasn't around. It just didn't feel right. Also the other earl always played with the white chess pieces; Ciel didn't even touch them anymore. They were his, too. Alois smiled again as they put the pieces on the board carefully, not wanting to break any of them. 'So, who will win this time?' he asked with a clear, sarcastic undertone in his voice. They both knew the answer of course. 'I think you will win,' Ciel replied. Alois set his piece one step forward, not really caring what he was doing. Still he wasn't bored by the game. How could that be? He lost every single time. Well, whatever. Ciel put his piece forward too, awaiting Alois's response to it. They played for a while, but after 10 rounds of setting the pieces, Ciel had already won. 'You could have seen that coming,' he said jokingly. Of course he had. He just didn't care enough to see it. Suddenly Alois moved closer to him. 'Why did you allow me to touch your hair yesterday?' he asked really out of the blue. Slowly Ciel felt the heat rise to his cheeks. _Damn._ Alois would surely notice that. 'Eh,' he said, wanting to recover and reply like a normal person would do, but not being able to. Get it together, he thought dramatically and he hoped his blush had disappeared. 'I don't know,' he confessed, noticing his hands were fiddling with the bow again.

Alois tilted his head slightly, still pretty close to him. Ciel felt his heart pound really, really fast, something he despised. His eyes were just so… Wonderful, he couldn't grasp the beauty of them. What was Alois doing anyways? Suddenly his hand was playing with his hair again. And again there was a rose color covering the earl's cheeks again. He was so close, and… Were they close to doing something else too? He didn't know. Maybe he didn't want to know. He didn't want to think. Alois smile faded a bit, still remaining but very vague.

He suddenly stopped playing with the earl's hair, looking like he was thinking now. Ciel's thoughts were filled with question marks, but none of them were an actual question. He was just greedy to know something. Maybe something related to… Them. Them as in a couple. Alois was greedy to know something, too. Otherwise he wouldn't have looked like that. He began to spoke all of a sudden. 'Ciel. I… I want you, to know…' The blush appeared again, leaving Ciel's face to look like a slight tomato. What did he want him to know? Would it be…? Alois bit his lip and looked away from the other's eye quickly. He looked so fragile and shy, something like he had never looked before. Normally he was the outgoing person but now… He had changed out of the blue. 'Ciel, I kind of… Like you.' His heart started to pound _so_ fast it felt like it would explode. He touched the skin of Alois's chin and lifted his head gently, so that they were facing each other. Alois nearly fell of his chair, they were bowing over so much. And Ciel felt finally like he did the right thing as he moved closer to the delicate face of the blonde, their lips only centimeters away from each other. Alois could clearly not resist this and he moved closer quickly, and they… Kissed.

It felt so strange, to have your best friend's lips on yours. Ciel liked the feeling somehow; it felt like they were finally connected to each other, that they had found the person they wanted to be with in the end. They had only been connected by the skin of their lips for now. But he wanted more as his lips parted almost naturally; maybe _he_ didn't want more in particular, but his body did show signs of that he craved that. The earl wanted to close his eyes, but at the same time he didn't; he could simply not resist the unnatural beauty that was Alois's. He only saw his eyes, though, and some locks of golden hair, but still he found it wonderful to look at. Alois's eyes stayed open as well, like he felt the same thing. Apparently he did as he removed the eye patch of his; it fell on the ground nonchalantly, like it didn't care – just like them. Only this was more intimate, in every kind of way. His thoughts were only filled by kisses, hair and eyes, all the things that were beautiful, and suddenly he realized…

**Life becomes better when you stop caring.**

It had. He had gotten Sebastian with it. Because he didn't care about anything at that point anymore. And now, he got Alois. He got everything he wanted just now. He had everything he had ever wanted, just because he stopped thinking, caring and everything that had to do with being rational. Being loose at the time really improves your life.

Ciel wondered what Alois was thinking about right now. Maybe about this too. Or just about them. About nothing. Suddenly a moan slipped through his lips, like it was a little secret, something between just them. He did enjoy the sound of it, even though it was his. As if it had been a sign, Alois made a sound too; it sounded like he was enjoying their intimacy. _Of course he did._ He had almost started with it. Ciel hadn't noticed they were kissing so quickly, it had became faster and faster and eventually to this point. He had to breathe, so he slowed it down for a while and stopped after a minute or so. He closed his eyes now, wanting to think over what he had just done, wanting to be alone, actually – but not wanting to as well. His thoughts were one big mess, just as his hair. He felt something and opened his eyes, looking down and he found Alois tugging on his bow. 'Ciel?' he asked, looking cuter than he had ever done, looking so beautiful, perfect, more perfect like anyone had ever been. He kind of reminded Ciel of a puppy. He nodded at the word, sounding like a question, and leaned back a bit, causing Alois to nearly fall over. The blonde chuckled at Ciel's sudden movement, making him even more adorable. 'Did… Did you… Want this to happen?' he said, obviously trying to sound nonchalant but totally failing at it. Ciel grinned, feeling like his old self again, but improved. But he didn't know what to say. Was grinning enough of an answer? Apparently not, because the other earl tilted his head again, like he always did if he wanted to know something. 'Yes, actually I did,' Ciel responded, hoping it was to Alois's likings. And it was the truth, for once. He felt some kind of proud feeling crawl onto him, devouring him. Why was he proud? Proud of Alois? Proud of himself, telling the truth for once? Alois smiled even more brightly than he had done before. 'That's… Kind of reassuring to know, to be honest,' Alois said shyly and he began to play with the bow on Ciel's clothes. 'Really?' Ciel asked, truly curious. Why would that be important? ´Yes… I mean, if you had only kissed me because you wanted to kiss with _someone_, that would have been… That would have hurt me.´ Now he turned red, leaving Ciel to bite his lip. Was he really like that? Did Alois see him like that? Yes, he came across as terribly arrogant and egoistical, but he had thought Alois would´ve peeked through that side of him already. He grabbed Alois´s chin again, and leaned forward. ´Do I have to prove you?´ he said really seriously, not wanting the blonde to think of him like that. Alois grinned. ´Well, I wouldn´t really disagree with that plan,´ he whispered and Ciel pressed their lips together again, not wanting to let go, ever.


End file.
